“Someone needs to tell the turkey, man, just be yourself.”
Previously on Ladies…
Did any player strike more fear into his own team than Eric Gagne? And while it was fun to watch Red Sox Nation hold its collective breath every time he warmed up in the bullpen, he wasn’t brought to Boston for his innate ability to add a little excitement in once-previous-close-games. Gagne is the gourmet Whole Foods free-range bird you pay dearly for, but ends up tasting like a low-class Butterball.
On the road to a 0-16 record? Ricky Williams? Again? Playing in London? The Nick Saban debacle? Don Shula doing Nutrasystem ads? The Dolphins have been left in the oven so long, all the dressing, gravy, mashed potatoes, and cranberry sauce in the world cannot hide how dry their meat is.
2007 Mets. Their collapse at the end of the season was the last gasp of the 2006 post-season greatness. Day five of leftover turkey, devoid of all turkey taste.
It is unfortunate that this player’s last name is Gobble. It is even more unfortunate that he’s a Royal. Swanson TV Dinner Turkey in a 1960’s aluminum tray.
Maybe next year. #1 draft pick Greg Oden is the bird your Aunt Shirley forgot to take out of the freezer to thaw the Monday before Thanksgiving, leaving the family to feast on green beans and candied yams.
A Ladies email conversation about turkeys and Brian Bosworth devolved into naming the entire Heisman winner list a turkey. (I’d probably contended that everyone named the Heisman winner pre-and-including-Barry Sanders is safe, but that is just me.) Heisman winners are deep-fried turkeys. Everyone swears they are the best, but in the end it is a lot of work for 15 gallons of leftover peanut oil.
Of course SA and Holly are going to have wildly different opinions on the Woodson-Manning Heisman year. In the name of diplomacy, I am saying Woodson is gravy. Not everyone likes gravy. Some people find gravy too lumpy/greasy/bland/bad for the diet. Others will add gravy to everything on their plate, including the marshmallow-Jello-tangerine salad.
What. Were. We. Thinking. (It’s been six months. We can finally talk about this without breaking into cold sweats.) Tofurkey.
We only barely touched on this topic here at Ladies, but Coach Greg Ryan’s last second goalie change in the World Cup lead to the US Womens team not reaching the final round and eventually cost him his job. Greg Ryan is the guy who says he loves turkey, but pouts when there is not a Honeybaked Ham on the table.
So the BCS might have to extend the at-large qualifications to the Top 18 ranked teams in order to fill all the BCS Bowl Game slots. Yes, the BCS is a Turdurken. A turkey stuffed with a duck stuffed with a chicken. Such bloated excess and never-ending game after game, you wonder why you even started watching in the first place.