The Hot Blogger Bracket: A Specter Rising

Holly trying to do math

Do you know how hard we have been working on this bracket?   Do you know all the sacrifices we’ve all made to get this done as fast as we can?

Texas Gal has cut down to one bottle of Makers Mark a day.  SA has had to stop posting on SCRUBSR’FOREVER.ORG.  Metschick is only listening to WFAN 15 hours a day instead of her normal 19. Clare is has switched from calling Aaron Rowand “Bacon Pants” to “Bac-o-bits”.  Andie only has time for 24 boyfriends.  Holly can only email/txt/call/Facebook/MySpace her friends on odd hours.   GordonShumway can only answer half of her Red Sox fans letters.   I gave my boyfriend $300 to go to Crazy Girls  so I can get some peace and  snuggle up with my old copy of “HTML for Dummies”.

But look at what we had to contend with.  Bust out your slide rules and let’s take a look at the Hot Blogger Bracket by the numbers…

We received:

  • 96 Total Respondents
  • 8 Entries with the request “be gentle” (seriously)
  • 3 Entries with WWL credits
  • 2 Entries Referencing the Blinding Radiance of Matt Ufford
  • 1 Entry Declining Invitation to Bracked Based on Fear of Matt Ufford’s Beautiful Mug
  • 1 Entry Titled, “Ufford Can’t Handle the Truth”
  • 9 Entries with two links, despite explicit instructions to submit “one (1) link”.
  • 5 Entries with three links, despite explicit instructions to submit “one (1) link”.
  • 2 Entries with four links, despite explicit instructions to submit “one (1) link”.
  • 1 Entry with eight (!!) links, despite explicit instructions to submit “one (1) link”.
  • 1 Entry with no links, which…what?
  • 6 Guys named Matt
  • 4 Guys named Brian
  • 5 Guys named Mike
  • 18 Entries with two pictures, despite explicit instructions to submit “one (1) picture”.
  • 2 Entries with three pictures, despite explicit instructions to submit “one (1) picture”.
  • 2 Entries with four pictures, despite explicit instructions to submit “one (1) picture”.
  • 1 Entry with FIVE pictures, pictures, despite explicit instructions to submit “one (1) picture”.
  • 2 Pictures of guys giving a thumbs-up
  • 3 Pictures of guys with hot women
  • 4 Pictures of guys with their kids
  • 3 shirtless pictures
  • 1 Picture of a guy in eye black (rrrrrroowwwr)
  • 1 Picture from a blogger who declined to enter but wanted us to have it anyway
  • 1 Person declining to enter, but suggesting we could browse his MySpace page if we get lonely
  • 2 Recordings of voice samples from contestants
  • And a moderately alarming outpouring of affection for Jamie Mottram, Sir Not-Appearing-In-This-Bracket:
    • “I wish I wasn’t lying, but I actually thought of this the other day. Only while flipping through my Jamie Mottram calendar. June is the best month……let’s just say jetski and ascot!”
    • “Would a small donation to Ladies… be enough to keep me out of Mottram’s bracket?”
    • “I have a man crush on Mottram like everyone else. But I actually work at the same company as him so I can go gaze at him dreamily every day if I so choose.”
    • “Mottram has been on TV multiple times. I have been in a small-town newspaper once, and they did not include my picture. Advantage: Mottram. There’s plenty of reasons for our healthy respect (and sneaky attempts to throw him under the bus once the competition is underway.”
    • “Mottram makes me swoon. And I’m a dude.”
    • “Hell, I’d probably at least grope Mottram. He’s shiny, like a skittle reflecting the sun.”

So what is left to do?  

Well, we finished the brackets and the seeding this week at the mini-Ladies summit.  (Have you ever tried to do math after several cocktails in the middle of Barney’s Beanery? At 1 am? Don’t get too mad at us when this looks crazy!)   Now’s the hard part – building the posts.  Since WordPress is a fucking bitch of a whore who hates polls, we have to host this monster bracket somewhere else, which is taking some time to create.

So we apologize that this is taking so long, but we really, really want to give this our best possible effort.  

Because if you don’t look good… we don’t look good.

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~ by Sarah Sprague on June 1, 2007.

121 Responses to “The Hot Blogger Bracket: A Specter Rising”

  1. *hic*

  2. What a glorious post. You Ladies at the mini-summit are amazing.

  3. I’ll go head to head with The Mottram any day. Can’t enter this one though. :(

  4. *starts slow but steady clap, building into standing applause*

  5. Did I forgot to enter and is it too late for a play-in game

  6. All I have to say about the Mini-Summit is this –

    “Lemur in a mask.”

  7. Mott-rom?

    *smirk*

  8. Wait. WAIT. What’s this insinuation that I’m on MySpace?

    Because: Ew. No. Never.

  9. And I would reply : “Fork in a Bucket”.

  10. Hey, I have a question.

  11. I need to post the pictures from last night still. Damn me for having this job that I need to go to and not having more time for this.

  12. Oh, I should probably upload mine as well.

  13. All these inside jokes. I’m scared, yo.

  14. Seriously… Paul Shirley?

    And, what happens with each progressive round? Do the contestants submit a new picture and writing sample? (I imagine that would be too much work)

  15. I’m excited to see the names of the Regions. I have a feeling they’re probably quite funny.

  16. Sven – Nope. Same picture and sample. You’re done, except for any voting-related chicanery you might care to undertake.

  17. Hey Suss, I have a question about you and Hillary’s hairdresser. You know what, nevermind.

  18. i think the ladies have found a credit card company that accepts pictures and writing samples in exchange for a .50% interest rate.. this is confirmed by the emails i’ve been receiving about the money i owe for mini ponies and bacon pants.

  19. Is it lightning outside? Did you hear thunder?

  20. G-Shum, good luck in the marathon. I’m sure your “training” the last couple nights has got you ready to fly.

  21. Thanks, Jebus! I really think the pigs in a blanket, sangria, and constant hot-blogger squee outbursts will be highlighted in a future issue of Runner’s World.

  22. GShum– Is this mini-summit the reason you couldn’t hit up WW’s memorial day party in winston?

  23. Damn. That’s impressive.

    One question though – why is OJ entering?

  24. My name is Matt. I do not want to be considered for this meat market. I was only trying to find the latest recap/analysis of the current The Shield episode, which for no good reason is not on tvlinks. F the UK. that is all. BTW, keep up the good work. I heart you all, Ladies…

  25. Ladies, I’ve always liked polka-dot dresses/blouses; how did you know? :-)
    And not to put any pressure on you…appreciate the hard work…but…well, you know, this picture unfortunately still applies, as the contest hasn’t started yet…

  26. Wait, that was the small version.

  27. Seriously, that was one of the best photo spreads I have ever seen. I especially like the random Sweet N Low thrown in there. Very well done Ladies…

  28. TSW: nice stuff. It’s cool seeing it By The Numbers.

  29. That was all Holly’s work. She needs a fucking siren.

  30. well at no point do I see my self getting licked or compared to ugly people. So I’m gonna go ahead and chalk this up to a win in my book. Aside from the one dude with the heart post it. I’m feeling pretty good…. But that could be the soco and lime talking.

  31. I can only hope that I was a reference to one of the three dudes with hot chicks in his picture, otherwise my posse of former UCF women’s volleyball players are going to bump, set and spike my ass into the next zip code.

  32. Man, this is really a lot of fun. Thanks for all your hard work Ladies!

  33. And speaking of our darlin’ J-Money…Happy Birthday, cuz!!

  34. This is wrong. All sorts of wrong

  35. Thank you for the update. I agree with JP, I want to see some good regional names. I hope I don’t draw into the “RUN YOU STUPID F—ING DINOSAUR, RUN!” region.

  36. J-Money, good luck on the Marathon. I’m looking forward to another post race report.

  37. I want to know who got the cleavage snuggle. I mean, that’s pretty much the end of my evening, right there.

  38. Also, what the hell did Andrea do to my Ladies… bat-signal? How the hell am I like the 39th person to comment on this thread?

  39. The Ladies Signal is not broken on this end. Clearly, you abandoned the ebays for night and missed it.

  40. Mike – I think I’m in the “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter” bracket.

  41. Actually, I was using the fucking ebays to do two projects for my classes. So, boo-urns to getting some actual value out of the damn thing. I thought it was just for entertainment.

  42. Actually, since it would be lewd to lick a photo of a man and his young children, maybe for us dads, you could post images of various ladies kissing up to our writing samples?

  43. Ex – you forget how much some people just love kids. And shame on you for using the internet for practical purposes.

  44. If I only had a blog.

  45. Pete, that wouldn’t be fair to the other contestants, you know that.

  46. Extra P.-
    +2 Nice way to work in a “Boo-urns” reference. Too bad points don’t transfer into the competition. At least mine don’t.

    I just saw the 3 with WWL credits line. We know Shirley is one. Who are two others? Shanoff and Klosterman? Patrick and Olbermann?

    I really hope it’s Stuart Scott and Peter Gammons.

  47. It’s like waiting for a car wreck you know is going to happen. I feel wrong for my eager anticipation of the carnage. Really wrong. (Not that you Ladies…will be the cause of the carnage, it will be the Three Stooges like attempt by many of the contestants to shamelessly promote their cause.)

  48. The winner will be whoever is best at rigging the vote. I suggest getting the people who got the bridge in Turkey named after Colbert

  49. It ain’t Olbermann, which breaks my heart and the heart of at least one other Lady I know of…

  50. I just wanted to say that I’m a nerd, and I’m here tonight to stand up for the rights of other nerds. I mean uh, all our lives we’ve been laughed at and made to feel inferior. And tonight, those bastards, they trashed our house. Why? Cause we’re smart? Cause we look different? Well, we’re not. I’m a nerd, and uh, I’m pretty proud of it.

  51. Fuck. Sending in two links probably got me relagated to the Otis Nixon Hall of Ugly bracket.

  52. Thanks, JP. It’s one of those things I like to save up for a special occasion.

  53. Licking. Cleavage. Yes.

  54. Are these TSW’s chesticles?

    Does writing “Dug shat here: Timestamp (updated daily/hourly as necessary)” on the bathroom wall at work count as blogging? I can take a picture everyday if you want. Lemme know.

  55. Desserts?? :)

  56. Rob-you are not alone. I think that bracket will be named after Greg Ostertag, though.

  57. Doug, that’s me. You’re welcome.

  58. Doug – No, those are not mine. And if people have not seen them naked in all their glory by now, you fail at the internets.

  59. Soooo TSW’s naked tatums are plastered all over the internet? Is that what I’m hearing?

  60. Holly’s cleavage = impressive.

  61. Metsy’s hair = The Glowiest (it glows because it’s hot)

  62. I thought it was hot because it’s fly.

    Oh, and Holly, excellent cleavage.

    I just realized that if I ever said that to any girl in person, there is a better than average chance I would get slapped. So please don’t slap me from across the Ebays please.

  63. Dude, what kind of bitch would I be if I put them on the internets and then got mad when people looked? That’s what they’re there for. So I just say thanks.

  64. Ladies…..Amazing work and a well earned standing ovation in the hopes for a curtain call.

  65. Umm, the worst kind of bitch? The one that dresses slutty then gets mad at you for looking? At least you have classy boobs!

  66. Exactly.

  67. Is it wrong that I couldn’t decide whether to respond to the boob thread or Mike’s veiled insult of a Kansas player? All I have to say, Mike, is MONTROSS. MONTROSS, dude.

  68. Holla for Holly

  69. Ex: or Haywood.

    All props to Holly’s assets. I’m actually kind of excited to see the bracket (and kind of scared.)

  70. I think I fail at the internets.

  71. I just hope this doesn’t turn into some sort of popularity contes…what? Aw, crap….

  72. I love the monty python Sir Not-Appearing-In-This-Bracket mention. Classy.

    I just came across this site and love it…Im a lady I work in sports and reading blogs is pretty much what I do all day long. This is now my new favorite…dont tell deadspin that.

  73. Welcome, Juicy!

  74. Thanks Metschick…
    have you ever seen the St. Lucie Mets of the Florida State League? Yum…thats all I have to say. Start scouting your farm system.

  75. Re: WWL credits: Shirley, Shanoff, and… Easterbrook?

  76. I didn’t know Ostertag was a Jayhawk until just now, Extra P. Montross wasn’t a looker either, but a better one would have been Serge Zwikker. Or better yet, Ralph Sampson (backhanded insult at your OTHER favorite school).

  77. Actually, the worst thing anyone has ever seen was the epic battles between Ostertag (sans front teeth) and Big Country Reeves. They actually brought out the best in one another, but it was like watching Rodan battle Mothra.

    And there was one sad evening when Greg got blood on his shirt and had to run into the tunnel to change (not that I would have wanted to strip off in front of Allen Fieldhouse, either).

  78. Wow. I’m just glad Eddie Sutton wasn’t alive to see that. He would have had a heart attack…wait, what?

  79. Roy Williams’ retinas must still be scorched.

  80. I just read the post for the second time, okay the fifth time….how many guys actually entered correctly?

  81. Not a whole lot, but most of them made it in anyway. Because not being able to read is attractive to women.

  82. Oh, great . . . now literacy is a strike against me, too?

    Desperate times call for desperate measures.

  83. TKK, your post was probably my favorite of anyone’s, being an EDSBS fan from way back. You’re safe. No worries. Promise. (And thanks for the shout-out!)

  84. TKK submitted The Last Will and Testament of Orson Swindle as his writing sample?! That was quite possibly one of the top ten things I’ve read all year.

    We’re doomed! We’re all doomed!

    And as for the use of children for sympathy votes – will this thing be dragging on into July? Because Baby OMDQ should be here by then, so maybe I can actually compete.

  85. OMDQ – you should have entered a picture of you holding the sonogram.

  86. OMDQ, you’re going to do just fine with your entry. *sniff*

  87. Oh good – the Ladies chose the better of my two (2) links.

    For a while there, I had a terrible feeling that my fate was going to rest in the hands of a bunch of guys named Todd.

  88. Starter Boyfriend, let us know the review of Crazy Girls. And the club, not the Ladies…

  89. When and where is inevitable power rankings of the Ladies going to be started up? Because I want in on that.

  90. Jesus Quail… you sent in the link that made me cry.

  91. Just because I’m not sure what pictures were sent & since you haven’t posted anything yet…i’m stealing TKK’s idea…

    http://badchoicemilk.blogspot.com/2007/06/so-yeah-chicas-over-at-ladies.html

  92. Shorty – You were already in. Good job kissing up though.

    In other news, the bracket pages with voting, links, pics, etc are done. I’ve sent the files to Texy so she can clean up my crude HTML and make them all pretty like.

  93. I would just like to state for the record that I am terribly impressed with the hard work put in by the Ladies… on this bracket. I’ve also learned by coming to this site that eye black is extremely sexy. At least I thought it was because it did me absolutely no good at the bars Friday night.

  94. I had no idea that I not only had to possibly face the likes of Ufford and Leitch, but now the “The Last Will and Testament of Orson Swindle,” which was easily one of the most brilliant pieces I’ve read lately on the ebays.

    I’m dead in the water.

  95. By the way, I got the immense pleasure of interviewing Leitch on my sports talk radio show on Friday. That man sounds like he has been on a three-day Red Bull and Amphetamines bender. He is a hyped up guy. But loved the interview. Maybe one day I will get one of the Ladies…on the show.

  96. The great thing for me is that if I get knocked out, I can root for someone who contributes to my page. Or a News Team member. With so many talented dudes helping out in “the bad neighborhoods of the internets”, I can take unearned pride in more than one of them, most likely.

  97. You’re a good man, Extra P.

    If I get bounced, it’s all about outrageous excuses and litigation. Here are some examples:

    “I was drugged.”
    “It’s a conspiracy, Latin Bloggers are easier to control than black ones.”

  98. JP – I just looked at who you are against and don’t think you can make that claim.

  99. TSW,
    But that’s not what Gary Sheffield told me.

  100. I think TSW means they put you in the ghetto.

  101. Radioman, I believe Will’s book deadline was Sunday, so Red Bull and Amphetemines are probably a good guess.

  102. Oh, he was going 90 miles an hour. It was a good interview though. And, I was unaware of this, apparently there is some sort of reputation that bloggers have of living in their parents’ basement and having a strange pallor to their complexion. Anyone ever heard of this?

  103. Well, if blatant self-propaganda is allowable, then here’s this:
    http://spearandmagichelmet.wordpress.com/2007/06/04/credo/

    Imagine it read in the most charming south Texan drawl, with solemnity and slyness in equal measure.

  104. Yikes, OMDQ is sending in links that make the Ladies…. cry?

    Oh, I’m boned in this contest.

  105. I can’t believe I didn’t think of the eye black thing. I’ve got some in the damn closet. That was a softball.

  106. He’s making them cry, and then offering them a hug in his picture. He’s a sly devil.

    Emotional larceny!!!! Though, by the rules of the contest, I think that will slide.

  107. Hey everybody! I’m back from my trip to Crazy Gir– I mean, TARGET. Man, you wouldn’t believe how you can stretch a dollar these days! (Those Target cashiers need to get through college somehow.)

    What’d I miss?

  108. Fellas,
    Don’t worry too much about OMDQ.

    If high school taught me anything, it’s that sensitive guys that make the girls cry and give them hugs only get so far. One minute they’re hanging out with the girls at lunch, then the next they’re relegated to the friend box while the girls wait for the older guy that drives a hot rod and buys them beer. Sure, he’s probably not a good idea but it’s so exciting being with him….

    Maybe I’ve said too much.

  109. Crap, that’s me and Leitch right up there at the top of the page. I hope that’s not the seeding matchup. I’ll be done before the end of the lunch rush on the first day.

  110. SGS – But think of the exposure for your poor, struggling mid-major! Even in a defeat, your recruiting opportunities will go through the roof!

    Let me tell you, I am so annoyed I didn’t ask to be matched up with Paul Shirley. We could have traded “I’m the smartest hick ever to escape Kansas” barbs all week long.

  111. Hey, screw this SGS crap…I’m bailing to take over one of them fancy ESPN blogs! Don’t tell the guys I’ve recruited to write for me…this is an IM, isn’t it…?

  112. Yes, yes it is.

  113. I gotta ask about these mini-summits…do you ladies all live near enough to actually have in person? Do you do it via online chatting on the internets? Or do you all jet set across the country to discuss this stuff? ‘Cuz if you gals have money….heyyyyyyyy!

  114. I totally submitted two links, because testicles prevent me from following proper instructions under all circumstances.

  115. I technically “replaced” my original link.

    P.S.- The leak worked….f’ing brilliant

  116. I’m taking notes. This is viral marketing at its best.

  117. I have to co-sign Extra P..^^ truly brilliant ladies.. as for the shame that many of us are soon to experience, well…

  118. this contest cracks me up!! Oh it makes for good reading during the day, I can’t wait to see this bracket come out!

  119. I am so wanting to change the picture and the post that I sent in right now.

  120. Wish my Mama had a basement so I could join this…. Competition?

    Can’t wait for this bracket!!

    Good Job Ladies!!

    Ummm.. Go Holly :)

  121. […] I had a choice:  I could either move into my parents basement, or I could run a series involving a bracket-style competition decided by highly subjective and ultimately meaningless criteria.  I could no longer, they said, […]

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